Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in yuna_chan10's LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, September 15th, 2009
4:10 pm	*sigh*  Okay, so, I'm at an impass. At this point I don't know what to do... Ugh, I had this all figured out in my head last nigh, what I was going to say and now I've lost it... bear with me here. So I'm pretty sure I'm an expert at scaring people off. I feel like I'm more of a creeper than my jackass brother ever was, but I can't seem to stop it, and when I think about it I want to cry... I'm such a fucking amateur when it comes to romance it's not funny. I don't want to try too hard and scare people off but I also don't want to try too little and end up missing my chance. I think I've been trying too hard lately but... I don't know what else to do. I thought I was being smart about it, but I guess not. I just want this so badly... I'd like to say it's not my fault but maybe it is. I'm too shy for my own good and I have no experience in this at all. I've only had one boyfriend that I wasn't dating online and we broke up after a month. He asked me out not the other way around. I guess I just don't know how to approach someone I'm interested in. Maybe he's just shy, but so am I and I'm trying, I really am, to get over the shyness, to not let it get in the way of what I want to accomplish... so why do I still feel like I'm failing? I dunno, maybe I'm misunderstanding his being polite with being friendly. Maybe I'm totally misunderstanding his actions. I dunno, I never was good at understanding men. *sigh* So I dunno what to do anymore. Maybe I'll toss the ball in his court and see what happens next.... My friend thinks he likes me... I pray to the gods that's true. Current Mood: sad Current Music: Use Somebody - Paramore (Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 31st, 2008
12:48 pm	And now, for my real post of the day LOL, now that you've been bogged down with old entries I figured I'd tell you what's up. I was researching Reuben Langdon cause I was bored at work today. Reuben is the voice actor for Dante from Devil May Cry 3 and 4, but I found out a bunch of intereting stuff about him today. For example, he started off in Japan, acting and modelling, and then he got training to be a stuntman. Now he's been in movies like the Medallion and has done motion capture for a few games too. That's just awesome! I am so jealous of him. He gets to really enjoy his job, not like the rest of us. So I thought it would be fun if I got a chance to interview him, and I'm trying to come up with a few questions for him. He's working on an Avatar live action movie atm, so obviously I should ask about that, but what else? Any ideas? Just for fun. Come on, humour me. ( And now it's time to picspam! ) You can find out more about him at his official website here. The fron page is him, smoking, with a frickin' Winnie the Pooh plushie on his lap! I mean, come on, how randomly awesome is that!? ... ok.... I'm done fangirling now, honest. XD Current Mood: cheerful Current Music: Devils Never Cry (Comment on this)
12:45 pm	Post-cruise inspiration (written soon after the last entry. You should see the first paragraph in my book it starts out neat, then gets scribbled with need, then neat again as I come up with a solution) Writing that last entry has my creative juices flowing and now I'm grappling for a plot. I need to write something, anything, even a squishy rot-your-teeth sweet love story. Hmm... maybe I can use the cruise as inspiration..... or maybe not. Maybe I can use it to help me kick-start a plot I've been working on... (and so I did and it turned out to be what I think is my most beautifully written piece ever. If only I could always write this well. Here it is with some minor modifications.) Kris handed me a pamphlet with a sly grin. I looked at it tentatively. "A cruise," I asked surprised. Yes, I loved the ocean but this really wasn't my kind of thing. It was like a floating club, casino, hotel, and restaurant all in one. All of this plus the motion sickness I knew I would feel made the idea less than appealing to me since I wasn't much of a club or casino girl. "Aww, come on, don't make that face," she pouted. Apparently, I had grimaced, "it'll be great! Plus Jack and I will be there with you," I groaned, "and Nat will room with you," she beamed. Apparently the three of them had been talking and had already decided my fate. I sighed and Kris hugged me tightly, knowing I had given in. There was no real way out when I saw that Nat wouldn't have a roomie if I didn't go. She was very particular about with whom she would or would not share a room. "I knew you'd do it," Kris squealed in delight, "wait till I tell Nat." With that she tottered off to call Nat and Jake came and sat beside me, draping his arm around my shoulders in a brotherly fashion. "Thanks Allie," he said, squeezing my shoulder gently, "between you and me none of us would have gone if you stayed behind. You need this." It was true. I had just gotten a new job and wanted to celebrate but I also needed to shake off the gloom that came with searching for said job. Jake laughed at something in my expression and kissed the top of my head, his eyes sparkling, "you won't regret it, I promise." Just then Kris danced back into the room, lighting it up with her smile, I couldn't help but return the gesture. “Well she's delighted," Kris said as she settled on the arm of the couch on Jake’s other side, "I'm sure we'll all have a blast. Now, let's get some things sorted here." With that we spent the next few hours planning travel, hotels, shore excursions, Nat joining in when she arrived at the house. Overall the planning was much more fun than should be legal, and we had most things tentatively booked. We had a room in a beautiful hotel called the Drury Inn booked in the French Quarter of New Orleans for our stay before we embarked on the cruise and I was quite excited by the time I left Kris' and James' house late that night. I wondered if my depression over my love life, or the lack thereof, may have given them the idea to go on this cruise but I brushed that thought aside as sleep took me. ---------- As planning went on over the next few months I began to feel more excited, though I never really reached the level that the others did. The level where it sank in and I felt fidgety and impatient, watching the clock and counting down the days, hours, and minutes. I was lucky enough to get the time off and when we reached the Drury Inn it felt oddly surreal to me. I didn’t feel like I was in New Orleans even though I had seen it and the Mississippi from the plane. The hotel was as nice as the website had said it would be and all four of us decided to go out on the town. It was Mardi gras night on Bourbon Street and no one had bothered to explain what that meant to me. They all just laughed and said “you’ll see,” whenever I asked. I was nervous now, and with good reason.  Bourbon Street at night when a Mardi gras event is happening is like nothing I’ve ever experienced. Also, it was just a few days before Halloween. Needless to say there were many… interesting costumes along the packed street. The four of us moved through the throng, Nat and I linking arms and following James and Kris who paraded down the street in a similar fashion, arms possessively around each other. The best way to describe Bourbon Street that night would be vibrant. The street was full of life, music blaring from the open doors of the pubs that lined the streets, and the carnival feel of the air that surrounded us and filled our lungs, our very beings. It seemed that every other door led to a pub and the ones that didn’t led to sex shops or strip clubs or the like. I huddled protectively near Nat and clung to the purse slung over my shoulder with a higher-than-normal level of paranoia.  The night was fun in its odd sort of way, we vied with everyone else for beaded necklaces, took pictures of some of the better costumes, and prowled the streets contemplating which pub to step into that wasn’t too crowded.  As we stopped to look into one such pub, I felt a tap on my shoulder. Thinking it was some drunk stumbling around I ignored it. I wasn’t expecting a second, more forceful tap followed by an audible clearing of the throat, so I turned with surprise. I turned and forgot how to breathe.  “I believe you dropped this,” the man said in a voice soft as velvet. He wore blue jeans, what looked to be a soft short-sleeved dress shirt untucked with a few buttons undone, and a dazzling grin. IN his outstretched hand he held a folded piece of paper I recognized as the one I had written our cruise liaison’s information on. His emerald eyes glittered in amusement as he watched my reaction.  “Oh, y-yes I did,” I tripped out, reaching for the paper, “thank you.”  Just as my fingers were about to touch the paper, he glided it just out of my reach, placing his free hand in his pocket, all but the thumb, and holding the paper up with the other, he raised one perfect eyebrow, “don’t I get something too?”  Confused, I became frustrated. I’d already thanked him, what more did he want? Then I looked around at the people crowding the street. Watched as they drank, made out, and flashed people for beaded necklaces. I blanched.  He chuckled, “wrong,” as he spoke that one word he took my hand and placed the paper in it. My hand now securely in both of his, no escape now, he spoke softly, “all I want is a name.”  As I studied him the smile never left his face. I had contemplated giving him a false name but before that thought could take root I blurted, “Allie,” in the best voice I could muster. It came out as a whisper and I was surprised he could hear me at all, but I knew he had because he bent to my hand and kissed the back of it before closing it around the now-forgotten paper.  “A pleasure,” he said. He turned and who I assumed was a friend motioned him over. Funny, I hadn’t heard them call him. “Looks like it’s time to go,” he said, and I imagined a tone of sadness, but then he turned and smiled. “Until we meet again,” he said with a tone that said he knew we would, and he disappeared into the throng.  Suddenly three voices were “woo”-ing at me and I realized my friends had crept closer to watch the exchange. When had that happened? Had he noticed? He probably had, and he probably found it amusing too. That thought turned my expression sufficiently sour just in time for me to turn and scowl at them.  “Who was that,” Nat asked, her eyes trained on the crowd, searching.  The scowl dropped, I hadn’t gotten his name. “I don’t know,” I responded honestly.  The feline whirled to face me, claws out, “what!” Nat looked scandalized, and then her expression turned sad, “poo.”  Kris smiled and hugged the girl with one arm, “what did he want?” They had obviously missed the first part of the conversation.  It was then that I remembered the paper. I opened my hand and stared at the little piece of sky-blue stationary neatly folded in my hand.  I heard James “oh~” and Nat called me a cluts but Kris just smiled. “Either he’s a nice guy or a smart flirt.”  “Maybe both,” James and I said the second word at the same time and laughed. He had only said the latter word.  We wandered around a bit longer but when Nat gave up looking for my mystery gentleman and the rest of us were tired of wandering we went back to the hotel. My dreams that night were erratic but one thing was consistent, two green glowing orbs were in each scene and the last image I saw before nothingness consumed me was the stranger in the street, one hand in his pocket and the other stretched towards me, palm up as before. This time, there was no paper in it. (Just a note. The characters and happenings in this are entirely fictional. The only things taken from real life are the names of places, and the look and feel of them. The characters have no relation to anyone I know, except, of course, for myself. The main character's mind is mine, the body, sadly, is not. LOL. Hope you liked it. ^_^ Please, for the sake of all that is beautiful, if you read this, COMMENT!) Current Mood: creative Current Music: Can't Stop - Maroon 5 (Comment on this)
9:48 am	Return to the Unknown (This was written on the day I returned to work after the cruise) I was in a cheery mood on my way to work this morning expecting to see my manager, Andrea, and have her tell me what would be going on today. She knew about everything and would be able to get me on track right away. I had left her a message or two explaining why I was not in the office yesterday and another asking what time I should be in today. I handn't heard back by the time I went to bed so I decided to be at work for 9am and the worst that would happen is I'd study for a while until they were ready for me. Imagine my surprise when I come in to find her desk empty and when I ask around I find that she no longer works here! I have to admit I had a tiny panick attack that no one probably saw. I had gotten so close to her in the short time I'd known her that it was quite a shock to discover I would not have the pleasure of working with her. As it turns out Catherine, my new manager, got me shadowing and arranged to have my trainer, Arthur, get me started on my final tests and here I am. I've finished the written test, which wasn't as bad as I thought, and am now awaiting my final test: the roleplay. I'm not nervous at all, I usually do well on these things. I just want to get it over with and get on to the real work. Will get back to you all later with the results. (a while later) OK so I was a lot more nervous at the beginning of the actual interview but I relaxed again once I for into my rythm. I thought I did pretty well but I'm still waiting on my results. (some time later, scribbled) So I did well, apparently, but they're not letting me do my real job, just setting appointments. We'll see how this goes. (and you all saw the posts I made after this. All my complaints about my workplace. XD Yeah, I was right to worry) Current Mood: annoyed (Comment on this)
9:42 am	Why a Cruise is a Horrible Place to Meet a Man (I mentioned back on November 4th that I was going to post this but I am as much of a procrastinator as ever) Firstly, men on a cruise are usually attached. I guess men don't go on this sort of thing on their own normally. I guess the only appeal for them would be sexy, slim, bikini-clad women. Secondly, many if not most of the single men are fourty or older. With this comes a creep factor that I'm not about to even start to go into. Thirdly, any single man in the younger crowd are usually out for one thing: sex. They're not out there to find their soul mate. They just wnat to get drunk and fuck. What else is new? This is not including all men. The rare male may be looking for love but I hvae yet to meet one of them. (XD that's just how sad I was over not finding someone sweet like I hoped I would) Current Mood: depressed (Comment on this)
9:39 am	Backlogged Okay, so I found the notebook I was writing in on my cruise. I only have three entries but I'll post them here anyway. The last one is a piece of fiction that I've used the cruise as my inspiration for. Those who went on the cruise with me will recognise certain parts straight from out real life adventures. Thanks for being awesome guys and taking me on adventures I never would have taken on my own. <3 Current Mood: nostalgic Current Music: Devil May Cry background music XD I'm serious (Comment on this)
Thursday, December 18th, 2008
1:02 pm	Drama Drama Ok, seriously, I have a bone to pick. I hate it when friends come running to you with their issues or, like, post them on their PMs on MSN and then complain that you give your two cents about it. If you don't want to know what I think, don't tell me about it. Seriously, if I think you're in a dangerous, self-destructive situation I'm not just gonna sit here and let you rot. What kind of friend would I be if I did? HUH? I mean, seriously! Another issue I've had recently is feeling like no-one cares. Everyone is so wrapped up in everyone else I feel like I'm just sitting on the sidelines watching you all play the game of life. Someone pass me the ball? Just once? I know I'm not good at this game and the ball will probably hit me in the head... again.... but that doesn't mean you have to cut me out completely... What exactly do I mean to you anyway? I dunno anymore. I don't know why people keep me around just to push me away all the time. I don't get it. Maybe I'm not meant to play the game. If so then why do I even bother trying? Ugh, I hate this. .... and I just lost the game too, dammit! x.x Current Mood: stressed to the max Current Music: Break the Ice - Britney Spears (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 16th, 2008
3:54 pm	What is this feeling? Why is it I always feel like I'm drowning these days? I'm usually depressed but this drowning sensation is freaking me out a bit. I can't breathe, I can't concentrate on anything. I don't know what's wrong with me.... I'm scared and I don't know what to do.... Current Mood: overwhelmed (Comment on this)
Friday, December 12th, 2008
12:52 pm	Why does this make me happy? Maybe because he's the one being nicest to me.... Current Mood: happy Current Music: Just Dance - Lady Gaga (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 10th, 2008
3:58 pm	OMG WTF is your problem? Seriously!? Okay, yes it's another work rant. The guy who works on the same program as me is being such a jerk. He doesn't do things the way the company wants them to and yet he complains when I clean up his mess. Yes, it's taken me DAYS to e-mail all his old contacts but if he had just e-mailed them once he found out the phone numbers were out of service (taking him all of, what, two minutes??) I wouldn't have to go after him and e-mail them all. If he had done them one at a time as he came across them it would have saved me from having to go through 1,000 contacts! I'm not even kidding! I'm tired of this guy telling me to do things his way, especially when his way is DEAD WRONG!!! Hell's fire, mother night, and may the darkness be merciful, why do I always get the brain-dead ones? Oh, and I am so glad I re-discovered this song. It totally fits this one guy I know who will remain nameless. How many girls are you going to date and sleep with at the same time? Bull shit you're looking for the right girl. You're just a horn-dog who plays the nice guy. Tch, I'm up to my ears in assholes it seems. Current Mood: blah Current Music: Womanizer - Britney Spears (10 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, November 28th, 2008
12:45 pm	Clarity Ok, so it's become clear to me that I must write nonsenical things here and fangirl if I'm to keep your attention. So, can anyone help me find any recent KAT-TUN or News PVs? Preferrably News cause I haven't heard anything new from them since Weeeek. Thanks guys. Current Mood: complacent Current Music: Parasite - Tanaka Koki (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, November 13th, 2008
1:19 pm	Writer's block owari! OK so if any of you have been keeping track of my writing account, gaesis , you'll notice I've posted an update. I'm finally satisfied with the first chapter I posted a long time ago and have posted it on DeviantArt here. Now all I need is your feedback so please read and comment. If you don't have DeviantArt or would prefer to read it on LJ you can find it here. Oh yeah, and I have yet to name the book so if you have any ideas I'd love to hear them. Thanks all, now I'm off to work on Chapter Two~ Current Mood: chipper Current Music: Keep the Faith - KAT-TUN (Comment on this)
Thursday, November 6th, 2008
2:45 pm	Venting 'Kay, I know no one reads this anyway so I'm using this journal to vent. Yes I love my new job.... rather I would if they would let me do it instead of having me make appointments for my co-working all damn day. Seriously! They won't let me do MY job until I can sound like I've been doing these calls for 20 years and sound like a fecking know-it-all. I'm dead serious. They will not let me call people myself until I sound picture (or sound in this case) perfect. It's redicoulous. All this even after I explain to them that I have to do it to learn it. So they expect me to study. Study doesn't do it for me, why do you think I nearly failed high school and only went to college to learn Japanese? I don't learn that way. I don't grow that way! I'm tired of people expecting me to be something I'm not. Want me to be you? Keep dreaming. Want me to be perfect? Write a book and I'm sure I'll be perfect on paper. I am not perfect and I am not you, nor will I ever be because I don't have the desire to be. I am me, 'warts and all' as my mom would say. Take me as I am or leave me the hell alone. Current Mood: pissed off Current Music: Riot - Three Days Grace (Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 4th, 2008
2:20 pm	Overview? I think not. Ok, so I lied to you guys. I meant to make a journal entry for each night on the boat and then write them here for you all to read but I only came up with one entry: Why a Cruise is a Horrible Place to Meet a Man Not that I was looking all that hard but I'll add that in later. Also I'm writing again! My cruise provided me with the start of a plotline I couldn't figure out how to start before so I'm writing it here at work. Both posts will come soon but I just wanted to write to say tadaima and gomen nasai. Ja ne~ Current Mood: cheerful Current Music: SMACK - Nakamaru Yuichi (Comment on this)
Thursday, October 23rd, 2008
8:37 am	Update So I decided NOT to pack my lappy. I figured lappy + airport security = very very danger. LOL I will always love that line <33 So, I'm going to post a giant cruise/vacation overview when I get back. I'll miss you all and I'll talk to you after the 2nd! Current Mood: excited Current Music: Go To The Light - Star Ocean EX (Comment on this)
Monday, October 20th, 2008
10:48 am	WTB OK so I'm going on a cruise this weekend with chic_urbanity which you probably already knew, and I'm just posting to tell you to expect regular updates. If I can get internet on the ship, which I doubt, I plan on making an entry every night. Work Update: I have a new job which I love, but the only problem is I feel so singled out. Most of my co-workers have a post-secondary education and my job is helping people apply for Masters courses with high end USA Universities..... and I have never attended University. I feel so out of the loop and alone it's not funny... I dunno just feeling down and felt like posting about it... But... CRUISE THIS WEEKEND!!! I have to think more about that and be positive than thinking about my problems, ne?~ It would help if this damn writer's block would just go away. >_< Current Mood: lonely Current Music: I Don't Care - Apocolyptica ft Adam Gontier (Comment on this)
Sunday, August 3rd, 2008
3:39 pm	Don't U Ever Stop Wow, it's been a while, I know, but I'll try to be on here more often. Today I discovered what I would assume is KAT-TUN's newest CD (correct me if I'm wrong) Don't U Ever Stop, and I was reminded why KAT-TUN is my favourite J-Pop group. OMG it's so good! <333 I'm currently working on DLing the songs listed to be on the singles (Don't U Ever Stop and the 6 solo songs) but, yeah. I'm looking for a PV now. Is there any more new KAT-TUN/NEWS news I should know. LOL don't mind the pun. Anyway, I'll chat at you all later. KAT-TUN's calling me! ^_^ Current Mood: hyper Current Music: Parasite - KAT-TUN (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, February 7th, 2008
10:49 am	This is the end for you, my friend... Okay, I'm freaking out now. I lost the last job I had in the first week of January and now Rogers is chasing me. If I don't pay them something soon they're cutting off my services. I'm panicking because the deadline is tomorrow and I'm broke. Also, I've had several interviews this week and how am I supposed to know if I'm hired when my phone's cut off? I'm freaking out so much right now it's not funny. Sure I could live without internet, no problem, but the phone lets me know what's going on in the job world. Next will be Hydro, and after that I'll get evicted. I think this is an omen, foreshadowing of what comes next. What in the world made me think I could survive on my own? Current Mood: depressed Current Music: The Scientist - Coldplay (Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 5th, 2008
3:39 pm	Happy Birthday Koike Teppei!!~ This is my first time doing a birthday post so Imma just picspam y'all. XD I first fell in love with Koike when I saw him in Dragon Zakura  and now I'm going to watch him a lot closer. You should check him out!~ ( Picspam~ ) Anyway, enough of me spamming. I have to go to an interview. Happy 22nd birthday Koike-san!~ Current Mood: bouncy Current Music: Kimi+Boku=Love? - Tegomass (Comment on this)
Monday, February 4th, 2008
5:07 pm	Update Just to let you know, those of you who are Kame/Jin fans, I have just posted my very first ficlet on my gaesis profile. It's friends only so if you wanna read it and can't then just add me and you'll be able to read it. Anyway, enjoy. Current Mood: content Current Music: Keep the Faith - KAT-TUN (Comment on this)